


let me fall

by cuneifire



Category: Shades of Magic - V. E. Schwab
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-01
Updated: 2018-10-01
Packaged: 2019-07-21 01:25:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16149638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cuneifire/pseuds/cuneifire
Summary: It wasn'tfuckingfair. Kell wasn't supposed to- dammit, she always thought she'd die before him.





	let me fall

 

His breath comes out in sharp, icy hisses, nails scrapping against the edges of her coat. His teeth are wicked white, shining in the low lit light posts that bath the streets in dulled gray.

Kell’s kicked up against the wall, shoulders back and eyes half mast, looking as though he’s dying.

Lila’s pretty sure he is.

“Lila,-“ he’s saying, her name like a prayer on his tongue and usually she likes that- but, but not _this,_ this is not the Lila Bard way of doing things, no, Lila _beats_ death, she doesn’t watch it take away- take away _Kell_ of all people. The universe is Not Supposed to do that.

The universe wasn’t supposed to let them meet either, wasn’t supposed to introduce her to a black eyed stranger with a tall frame and a sharp figure and words that could cut glass but didn’t, no, they shattered something else entirely.

The universe was not supposed to- not fucking _allowed_ to kill Kell Maresh. No. That was- that as Lil- that wasn’t- fuck it. The point was he wasn’t allowed to die. Not now. _Not ever,_ something in the back of her mind whispers possessively.  

But he was. Bleeding out on the street, all the good Antari powers between them- useless. Lila cursed. Why hadn’t she taught him to be better with knives he was _weak_ and because he was weak _she_ was weak Kell you’re not allowed to-

“Lila, hey.” He’s saying, his hand ( _too cold)_ trembling against her cheek, black and blue eyes meeting her, gleaming in the dim light. “It- it’s alright.” And he’s more than criminally insane, always has been, stupid and serious and takes everything like routine, this isn’t routine-

Lila feels it curling up in her, the imminent desire to hurt him for even just saying that, but she punches it down, because she doesn’t really want to hurt him, she just wants him to _live._ She could maybe hurt him after that. If he lives. When he lives.

But he _won’t,_ that's the  _point._  There’s too much blood slicked all over his fingers as he leans back, too much red on the sidewalk next to where his hands are. She shoves an knee forwards, presses her nails into his palm and leans up so her forehead just touches his. Looks into his eyes for the last time. 

For a second, she wishes she’s learned something, anything, about medical care. But she’s always wanted to know how to hurt than to heal- more adventure, more amazement, more _life_ itself. She wouldn't have met him if she was afraid of getting hurt.

The fucking funny thing is that he made her care about that, about getting hurt, about  _him_ getting hurt, about  _him_ dying. 

Kell’s still staring at her, lashes over his cheeks and a small smile on his face, almost unnoticeable, someone, someone mark the calendar because she’s pretty sure he’s not _capable_ of that, and he pulls her closer, wraps his arms around her and says something that sounds like ‘don’t worry.’ 

Which is stupid, Kell is stupid, of course she should worry.

She can still see him from the first time they met, dragging him back to her grimy crammed apartment after he risked his life for her, felled in a pool of his own ever-red blood.

It's odd and ironic all at once. She never, once in her life, thought she’d meet someone like Kell Maresh. And once she’d met him, she had even less thought that she’d lose him.

**Author's Note:**

> ...oops.  
>  feedback/constructive criticism is always welcome!


End file.
